The Vent.

Hello Lovelies!

I am a young adult (society would probably disagree, but forget what society thinks!)

I am a young adult who has just realized she has spent most of her life depressed.

That "I can't move, sadness to the bones, why won't this feeling go away ?" type of depression.

I am sitting here writing this right now, DEPRESSED.

The occurrences and environments I have been dealing with have left me feeling chronically down and depressed.

Often more than I'd like to admit, I am battling isolation, feelings of neglect, and invisibility.

I have had a hard life and gone through many tough things; I'm still going through it.

I realize the emotional cocktail of feelings that my C-PTSD has left me to marinate in.

Being alone with your own thoughts is very real and something I have tried to address many times,

but I get triggered all over again. So, those things get dismissed by others for fear of upsetting me.

I feel (from experience) no one understands me, what it is like to be me.

The ones in the subsequent groups I'd belong to... Autistic, Chronically Ill, Deaf, Black female, etc are so far away or already 'cliqued' up that I am invisible to them also, or my existence doesn't matter because they are too far away for us to establish the proper 'relationship bond'.

On top of everything I have gone through, you add being disabled on top of it, and the feelings that come with that no one wants to address: only the triumphs and little victories.

I see disabled people thriving all the time online and wonder, "Why can't I be the same way?"

I really get so sad when I think of getting older and continuously being dismissed or ignored by those around me. The more I yell into the void, the more I am met with silence, met with nothing.

I know how negative it all sounds, but when you are constantly being ignored, needs pushed to the back burner, relationships strained, over and over because of others' internalized ableism or ignorance, it seems to stick you in a bit of a negative place, or mindset, where everything seems impossible!

These feelings of hopelessness feel all-encompassing and overwhelming.

You fight becoming one with the dark, and crying becomes your best friend.

Negative, I know, but very real!

I hope to write about something a little more uplifting the next time.

I truly do not mean to be negative, just got to get these feelings out, I am trying to be more positive, which is no small feat with chronic major depression. I hope to write about something a little more uplifting the next time.

So, everyone, welcome to my little slice of nowhere! Welcome to the vent sesh.

_Stay Lovely _